Finding Your North Star

Photo by Johannes Plenio from Pexels

As you settle into the months or years following the death of your loved one, have you entered the questioning phase of your journey? 

Why did this happen? What do I do with this experience? Why me? How do I move forward?  

My personal favorite was: How do I make something good come out of this horrible situation, or as I liked to say: How do I make some damned lemonade???  (I was naively demanding a happy ending.)

The first three years after my husband died, my life was consumed with surviving: running the farm, raising the kids, keeping an even keel. I had no guiding purpose, and no real sense of direction for my life, BUT I knew that what I was doing was not sustainable.

Can you relate?  Do you wonder too?

And then one day, I came across this quote in an article about widows.  

“The ability to integrate the past, present and future is one of the major indicators of increased resilience, healthy coping, and the development of grit and optimism.” 

Soaring Spirits

The words jumped off the page and shouted to me!  I read those words over and over.  They resonated with me.  I wanted every one of those words in my life! 

Healthy Coping

Those words  and that quote became my north star.  I spent the next year doing a deep dive. I was never a half in woman.  

I engaged in more intensive therapy because I was finally emotionally ready. I also hired a grief coach who demanded I look at my thoughts. I did research. I talked to other widows who had made it farther down the path than me.

In my organizing business, I began working with more and more widows, and the conversation continued. I met with a mentor who worked with women in transition, and still the conversation continued!  

Those words were the thing that finally broke me out of the survival mode. I clung to them as if it were my personal promise, and dedicated myself to learning as much as I could about them.  

But most importantly, I took it upon myself to share everything I learned with other widows, because that’s what we do.  

We step in and walk alongside each other and share the burden.  

My hope for you is that you find your north star.  

  1. Ask for guidance whether you call it the Universe, God, or something else.
  2. Be open to receive the answer.  
  3. Do the emotional work to get yourself to a better place.
  4. Connect with others like you.
  5. Remember that you are loved!

If you’d like to talk more about finding your North Star, remember, I’m always here to talk. I’ve taken all of the tools I learned along the way and wished I had known when I was going through the process and created a program called Navigating Widowhood. If you’re ready to try something different, reach out and connect and we’ll see if my program is a good fit for you.

Julie Martella Avatar

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