(updated and revised 12/2023)

It’s all around us in the music, in the greetings, and the general atmosphere of, “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” But is it? Really?

For those experiencing the holidays without their spouse it’s more like walking through a minefield, which the dictionary defines as, “an area planted with explosive mines, or a subject or situation presenting unseen hazards.” If that isn’t Christmas for a widowed person, I don’t know what is!

So, what can you do when Christmas feels more like a series of land mines?

Breathe: Take a moment to face the feelings and acknowledge them, which might be two or three deep breaths. Then, take another two or three giant breaths and visualize the feeling leaving your body. I like to visualize it as a vapor that I can blow out into the universe.

Observe:. When you become a curious observer, you can see where the minefields are hiding. Maybe it’s getting out the ornaments or light set. When you see those potential triggers, you can detonate them without getting hurt.

Set Boundaries: Be mindful of your limits and set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. It’s okay to decline invitations or requests that you don’t feel up to participating in.

Volunteer or Give Back: Sometimes, helping others can be a meaningful way to cope with grief or difficult emotions. Volunteering or contributing to a charitable cause can bring you a sense of purpose and positivity.

Honor Your Loved One: Find a way to honor and remember your loved one during the holidays. This could involve lighting a candle, creating a memory book, or setting up a special tribute.

Practice Gratitude: While it’s natural to focus on what’s missing during the holidays, try to shift your perspective by practicing gratitude. Reflect on the positive aspects of your life and the moments you are thankful for.

Plan Ahead: Plan your holiday activities and schedule in advance. Having a clear plan can help reduce anxiety and give you a sense of control over the season.

Remember that everyone’s grief journey is unique, and it’s okay to experience a wide range of emotions during the holiday season, no matter how long it’s been. Be patient with yourself, and don’t hesitate to ask for help or support when needed.

Holiday blessings dear ones, and watch out for those minefields!

Julie

P.S. If you are struggling with the holidays, I’m here for you. I run a program called Navigating Widowhood that can help you navigate your life after loss.