You Weren’t Meant To Stay Stuck

There are times in our lives when you can get stuck: the death of your partner or spouse is one of them! I’m here to remind you today that while you may be feeling that way right now, you weren’t meant to stay stuck!

Being stuck is the same as being stagnant. Have you ever seen a stagnant pond? It’s gross! Moss and debris build up, and there is usually a layer of green algae skimming the top. Nothing is moving. There are no signs of life (except mosquitoes).

Now, think about a moving body of water. It’s dynamic and full of life; literally. It moves! You and I are meant to be like that body of water; moving, alive, full of potential.

You and I are like that body of water. Grief may have gotten us stuck, but the longer we stay that way, the more debris will build up in our lives.

What is the debris in our lives? It may be deferred decisions, suffering, ruminating, clutter, poor choices and so on.

That debris serves to cement us there!

If you want to propel yourself towards your new life, you’ve got to break free! There are several ways to get “unstuck” in life, including:

  1. Identify the source of the feeling of being stuck. What part of your loss is keeping you feeling frozen?
  2. Set clear and achievable goals. Having a clear idea of what you want to achieve can help you move forward. It may be small goals like cleaning out a closet, or larger ones, such as going back to school.
  3. Break down those large goals into smaller, more manageable tasks. This can make progress feel more attainable and less overwhelming. If the thought of going back to school seems terrifying, then focus on registering for one class.
  4. Reflect on your values and priorities and use them to create a framework. What is important to you as you move forward? What parts of your past do you want to honor? What would you like to do different this time around?
  5. Seek support from others. Talk to friends, family, or a professional for help and guidance. Get connected with other widowed people who have been in your shoes. They may have a lot of wisdom that could help you.
  6. Taking action. Once you have a plan, take action towards your goals. Baby steps will still get you to the finish line!
  7. Being kind to yourself. Remember that progress takes time and don’t be too hard on yourself. You are living into a future you never imagined. You are doing hard things!

You can do this and I’m here to help.


Julie Martella Avatar

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