Widows Fog

Who among us has not felt widows fog? Who among us has not felt lost and disoriented with the realities of our new life after loss?

In the San Joaquin Valley of California, the fog is famous in a bad way, and while I don’t want to drive in it if at all possible, I have discovered that I enjoy walking in it. When I’m temporarily lost in the fog, it makes me feel like I’ve entered another world, where my senses are muffled and I can just breathe.

The fog allows me to anchor myself to the earth, to get oriented, and to remember that while I may feel lost, I have the ability to find my way home. I just have to breathe and remain calm.

Julie Martella, Navigating Widowhood

So, how do I find my way home in the fog?

  • I remind myself that I am alIl right.
  • I remember that while I may feel lost, I’m still safe.
  • I anchor myself by literally feeling where my feet meet the earth.
  • I orient myself with the markers of the orchard: an owl box, a red tie, and a pole.
  • I continue making progress one step at a time.
  • I remain calm and have faith in the process of moving from lost to found.

Widowed brothers and sisters, when you feel lost, remember that while it may feel so intensely disorienting and scary, it will pass. The sun will eventually burn it off. You will find your trail markers. Remember that. You will get oriented and you will find your way back to home base, whatever that may be.

My favorite part of my morning walk in the fog is when I can finally make out the vague outline of my barn. While it looks different, I still know I’ve made it, and I’m home.

You will make it too.

Blessings to you today and every day.

Julie

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