Do you need permission to live? This article based on the teachings of Teresa Beshwate, The Sudden Widow Coach, and it will blow your mind!
Have you felt it? Have you felt that ten seconds of joy and laughter, perhaps with friends when you laugh so hard your tummy hurts? And then, like a slap in the face, have you felt the realization that for one brief moment you were… happy… while your spouse was not because they died?
Dear one who is reading this, we’ve ALL felt it. It’s a universal struggle of widows and widowers alike. Call it guilt, remorse, or grief. It’s the real struggle of, “how do I experience (fill in the blank) when they cannot because they are gone?”
I’m not going to tell you what’s right or wrong, but I am going to ask you to consider for a moment a different narrative than the one playing out in your head over and over. It’s a thought error. It’s the thought error of living in the OR’s. Your brain craves efficiency and there’s nothing more efficient than getting rid of choices and moving to a, “pick one and done,” model.
- I can be happy OR I can grieve them.
- I can laugh OR I can miss them.
- I can do this OR I can remember them
Teresa teaches us that instead of looking at our loss as an OR thing, we begin to look at it as an AND thing. This challenges our brain. Instead of pick one and done, we move to pick TWO! It is your thoughts that create your feelings. If you can change your thought, you can change your feeling.
- I can be happy AND grieve them.
- I can laugh AND miss them like crazy.
- I can do this AND want them here.
Say each phrase aloud. Can you feel the difference as you read? Instead of guilt, you can feel hope! You can feel hope AND double helpings of happiness BECAUSE you loved them and they lived. AND, AND, AND. It give us permission to live!
Permission To Live
“It is ok to laugh and feel happy and enjoy this new life
THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT.”
Do you need permission to live? I’m giving it to you. Read it over and over until you feel it at a soul level, and then go do it! When you struggle to believe that you can enjoy this new life, think some new thoughts on purpose!
- I can do this!
- He/She would want me to.
- I can enjoy this life for the both of us
- I’ve walked through hell and back. I deserve the best life has to offer.
When you pick a new thought, take out the old one. How do you know if it’s old? It probably can OR or CAN’T in it. You stand at the crossroads of your grief journey. Will you take the road of OR’s, sorrow, grief, guilt and remorse? Or, will you chose the path of AND’s; the path of new life, new beginnings, confidence and independence.
You have your spouses permission to chose to turn again to life.
Wishing you so much love and grace today,