When our loved one dies, we very much lose the sense of who we are. We are no longer wives or husbands, or partners, and this loss of identity strikes us at a very neurobiological level. It is profound.

One of the significant, but often undervalued tasks of grieving is the process of rediscovering ourselves; finding our new normal where we can integrate our loss into the fabric of our lives and regain balance. There is a new hello is waiting for you; the trick is having the tenacity to navigate the messy middle, the reckoning, to find your way back to you.

The Reckoning and the Messy Middle

Brené Brown speaks of “the reckoning” – a pivotal moment when we face our emotions, vulnerabilities, and truths head-on. It’s a messy, uncomfortable process. 

Bruce Feiler speaks of the messy middle as the murky part of a life transition, where we move from what was to what will be.  It’s where the real work happens. He encourages us to embrace the messiness and to view it as an essential part of the journey. 

For us, it’s essential to confront the pain and allow ourselves to feel it fully. Healing lies on the other side. Hope and our new hello are waiting there too. 

Beware of Compare and Despair

As we navigate the path back to ourselves, it’s crucial to steer clear of the comparison trap. In the renowned Harvard Study of Adult Development, researchers found that those who constantly compare themselves to others tend to feel less content. Everyone’s grief journey is universal yet unique. Your path will not be the same as anyone else’s. 

Se your own markers along the way – markers rooted in authenticity and self-discovery. Focus on your unique journey, resist the urge to compare your progress with others, and embrace your individual path toward healing and growth. Remember, at the end of this process is your future; your new normal, not mine.

How To Find Your Way Back

1. Self Reflection: take time to process and explore your emotions.
2. Reconnect with Passions: rekindle old hobbies or explore new interests.
3. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive, encouraging people.
4. Practice Self Compassion: treat yourself with kindness and love.
5. Set Badass Boundaries: establish boundaries to protect your emotional well being.

When you gather the courage to embrace the reckoning, you are boldly stepping into your future. Your new normal. It is your path of rediscovery and renewal as you consider what “could” life look like moving forward. Remember, healing takes time and patience, but I absolutely believe you can find your way back to a place of purpose and meaning. 

Blessing my friends,

Julie

P.S.

P.S. I am so excited you can now interact with me on Patreon where you have the opportunity to follow, take a deep dive, or just support my mission of helping widowed people create purposeful, meaningful change. Just go to navigating widowhood @ Patreon.