Did you ever consider that your relationship with your in-laws would change after the loss of your spouse or partner? Did you feel shocked or blessed by that change in relationship? Today we’re going to talk about when in-laws act like outlaws. 

Navigating relationships with your in-laws can be a significant challenge. It’s not just the direct mother and father in law. There are many in-law relationships such as those with siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles.  All of them change when your status changes. It’s just a part of life.  

Good Relationships

Some relationships may change for the better. You may find comfort and support in your extended family. They may help you with daily living tasks or help with the childcare if you and your spouse or partner had children at the time of death. Sometimes death can bring out the best in another human being, and in that scenario family is a blessing.

Why the Relationship Might Break

Other widowed people face a very different landscape, more like the prince or princess banished from the kingdom, and are often left struggling with how to deal with difficult in-laws. You may be befuddled, wondering how and why they could change the relationship in such a negative way. 

There are many reasons. Take a moment to look at the loss from their perspective. It doesn’t make it right or better, but it may ease the sting of rejection. 

In some situations, the death of your person may be too much for them to handle. For them it was the death of their child, and that breaks people. It may help you consider the fact that you are now dealing with a broken person, and no one shines in that situation. 

There may be some misplaced blame, which is another unhealthy coping mechanism. It may be as simple as blaming you for being alive when their child/brother/sister, is not.  

Money is always a destroyer of families, and if you are in a situation where there are assets, then guard yourself. Disputes over inheritance or financial matters can strain relationships, with in-laws viewing the surviving spouse as a threat to their perceived entitlements or resources.

You may have a situation in which the cultural norms dictate future roles and behaviors in the family unit. If you don’t follow the new rules, it will create strain. 

And lastly, you may have a breakdown in communication. Remember, no one is being their best self, and poor communication can lead to unnecessary suffering, hurt feelings, or misunderstandings. 

Regardless of your relationship with your in-laws, remember that broken people are broken. Next week we will talk about strategies we can use to deal with in-laws acting like outlaws!

Blessings my friends,

Julie