The wedding ring! It offers so much connection, joy, and yes, angst, especially after losing your spouse or partner. Among the many decisions you must make is whether to continue wearing your wedding ring and when, if ever, it might feel appropriate to remove it. When, if ever do you have to quit wearing it? And, are the grief police coming to get you for doing it wrong? 

Today I have created a series of questions to help you answer the question, “to wear the ring or not?”

Question 1: How Does Your Wedding Ring Make You Feel?

Take a moment to look at your wedding ring. What emotions bubble to the surface? Does it bring comfort, a gentle reminder of the love shared? Or does it stir feelings of overwhelming sadness, serving as a painful reminder of loss? Perhaps it evokes nostalgia, taking you back to cherished memories of laughter and love. Or maybe, just maybe, it feels like just another piece of jewelry, lacking the emotional weight it once held.

Question 2: Anticipating Social Reactions

As you think about removing your wedding ring, it’s natural to wonder how others might react. Will they understand the significance of your choice, offering support and empathy? Or are you concerned you might face judgment or discomfort from those who don’t fully grasp the complexities of your grief?

Remember, while it helps to consider what others might think and feel,  it’s YOUR decision. There is no right or wrong answer.  However, having a few deflective phrases on board ahead of time will help you if people ask a question.

My favorite phrase to have ready to use (and works) in most situations is this: “It’s a deeply personal decision, and I wouldn’t expect you to understand.” (and then smile) You can even ratchet it up and add, “you’re so lucky” if the person in question seems particularly dense.

Julie Martella

Question 3: The Role in Your Healing Journey

Does wearing your wedding ring serve as a balm or does it exacerbate your feelings of loss and longing? Does it provide a sense of stability and continuity as you struggle with the many uncertainties or widowhood? Or do you find that removing it could offer a fresh start, allowing you to embrace your healing journey with greater ease? Consider the symbolic meaning your ring holds and how it aligns with your path toward healing.

Question 4: Symbolic Significance

What does your wedding ring symbolize to you now, in this moment of your journey? Does it represent everlasting love and unwavering commitment? Or does it serve as a stark reminder of the void left in your life? Perhaps it holds a more nuanced meaning, embodying a cherished memory or a symbol of resilience and strength.

Question 5: Practical Considerations

Beyond the emotional significance, consider any practical reasons that may influence your decision to continue wearing or remove your wedding ring. Does it feel uncomfortable or impractical in your daily life? Or does it serve as a tangible connection to your spouse’s memory, offering a sense of closeness and comfort?

Question 6: Envisioning the Future

As you look ahead, how do you envision your relationship with your wedding ring evolving over time? Do you see yourself wearing it indefinitely, a timeless symbol of love and devotion? Or do you anticipate a time when you might choose to remove it, as you continue to heal and grow? Perhaps you’re unsure, and that’s perfectly ok too. Allow yourself the grace to navigate this decision with patience and compassion.

Ultimately, the decision to wear or remove your wedding ring is deeply personal and should be made in a way that feels authentic and empowering to you.

Trust yourself and be gentle with your heart as you navigate this journey of healing and self-discovery. 

Whether you choose to continue wearing your ring or decide it’s time to let go, know that you are not alone. We walk this path together, hand in hand, supporting and uplifting one another along the way.

And as always, if you need me, I’m here to help. 

Julie