After the death of your spouse or partner, do you struggle to find inner strength? Do you find yourself questioning your ability to succeed? How many times have you questioned whether you have what it takes to overcome the hurdles in front of you?

You Are Not Alone

Doubt and fear can derail our grieving process; turning a challenging life transition into a permanent pit stop. If you want to apply some strategy to win this battle, then you need to know what’s going on as well as how to effectively employ a counter strategy to win the battle.

Negative Self-Talk

When you’re grieving, your brain can sometimes engage in negative self-talk. Your thoughts become filled with self-critical and pessimistic messages, like ‘I’m not strong enough’ or ‘I’ll never be able to move forward.’ 

Understand that this negative self-talk isn’t a reflection of reality or your true capabilities. It’s just a natural response to the overwhelming emotions and challenges you’re facing. 

Negative self-talk is just that – talk. It’s not the truth, and it doesn’t define who you are as a person.

It’s simply your brain’s way of trying to make sense of the pain you’re feeling and protect you from further hurt. Your brain forgets the amazing person you were before your loss occurred, including your strength and resilience.

While the chatter, your thoughts, may not actually be true, they may FEEL true. Negative self-talk is just that – talk. It’s not the truth, and it doesn’t define who you are as a person.

Here’s a powerful truth: You already have within you an untapped reservoir of strength and resilience waiting to be unleashed. You just have to learn how to find it. 

Give Your Brain “Proof of Life”

Your brain needs proof that you can do this life. It needs to remember. You need to show your brain that “you can do hard things.” 

I want you to take a moment to dive into your past to find times when you faced a challenge and emerged stronger on the other side. Maybe it was a difficult breakup, a career setback, or a health scare. 

Looking back on those events or difficult situations will help your brain realize that you made it through. Show your brain the strategies you employed to deal with those challenges. Help it remember who you once were. He/She is still there underneath the grief.

Learn to Practice “Even If” Thinking

Think about all of the things that scare you as you contemplate the future. They probably start with, “what if.”

1. What if I run out of money?
2. What if I never find love again?
3. What if I have to quit my job?
4. What if I lose all my friends?
5. What if I fail?

What if, what if, what if…

The second strategy you can use to help you battle fear and doubt is to begin engaging in “even if” thinking instead of “what if” thinking.

For example, instead of saying, “What if I fail?”, try saying, “Even if I fail, I’ll be ok.” (I know I have the strength and resilience to handle whatever comes my way). 

Even If thinking allows you to shift your focus away from fear and towards empowerment and confidence, which is exactly what you need to face your new life!

The next time you find yourself grappling with doubt and fear, remember: you have the power to overcome anything life throws your way. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again.

And as always, you can do this, and I’m here to help. 

Julie

P.S. If this is the year you want to transform your life, then I’m here as a mentor and coach. I invite you to apply to my coaching program and we will see if it’s a good fit.