Losing your spouse or partner is a painful experience, and you may find yourself stuck in a perpetual pity-party. While it’s entirely natural to struggle with and fall into the trap of self-pity, when left unaddressed, it can hinder your healing process and impede your personal growth. Today we will explore how self-pity can arise from self-limiting beliefs and provide actionable strategies to help you to overcome it, all while moving forward with hope and resilience. Consider this your pep talk for the new year.

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What is a Self Limiting Belief?

A self-limiting belief is a belief or thought pattern that you hold about yourself, your abilities, or your circumstances, which constrains your potential, hinders personal growth, and limits your achievements. These beliefs are often negative and self-deprecating, causing you to doubt yourself and your capacity to overcome challenges or reach your goals.

The first challenge is to identify the self-limiting belief. The second part is to employ a counterstrategy: a new thought to challenge the old belief. Examples include:

“I’ll Always Be Alone” 

One common self-limiting belief that widows may have is the fear of perpetual loneliness. You may believe that you’ll never find love, companionship, or happiness again.

A good counterstrategy is to challenge this belief by acknowledging that it’s possible to find new sources of companionship and joy. Join support groups, engage in social activities, and be open to forming new connections. Understand that while your late spouse is irreplaceable, it’s still possible to find meaningful relationships in the future.

“I Can’t Handle This on My Own”

You may feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities and challenges that come with being single again. This can lead to self-pity if you hold the belief you are incapable of managing life without your spouse.

A good counterstrategy is to seek support from friends, family, or support groups. You don’t have to handle everything on your own. Reach out for assistance when needed, and consider seeking professional help if you’re struggling to cope with daily tasks or emotional challenges.

“My Life Is Over”

You may feel that your life has come to an end with the loss of your spouse. This belief can lead to a sense of hopelessness and self-pity.

Challenge this belief by setting new goals and aspirations for your life. Explore new interests, hobbies, or career opportunities. Your life has changed, but it doesn’t mean it’s over. Find purpose and meaning in your journey of self-discovery.

“I Don’t Deserve Happiness”

Widowhood can sometimes lead to feelings of guilt, as if happiness is no longer attainable or deserved.

To counter, practice self-compassion and forgiveness. Understand that it’s okay to experience happiness and joy even after loss. Your late spouse would likely want you to find happiness in life.

“I’m Defined by My Loss”

You may sometimes feel that your identity is solely defined by your status as a widow, which can lead to a sense of self-pity.

To counter this self-limiting belief, explore your own identity beyond your role as a widow. Acknowledge your unique qualities, interests, and strengths. Embrace your individuality and the potential for personal growth.

Grief is hard work! It’s okay to experience self-pity from time to time, as it’s a natural part of the grieving process. You can move beyond self-pity and towards a life filled with hope, resilience, and personal growth.

Remember, you have the strength within you to embrace your new, unintended life.

Julie Martella

My friends, you can do this. You can make the new year one in which you focus on creating new beliefs that will serve you as you step into your new life. And if you need me, I’m here to help.

Julie