I think one of the most aggravating parts of being a widow is having to do ALL OF THE THINGS. I wasn’t ready. You will never actually be ready to do all of the things that must be done when your spouse dies (but you can do it).

I wasn’t ready to be a single mother. I wasn’t ready to be a farmer. I wasn’t ready to run a household solo, and I wasn’t ready to work outside the home. And yet, I had two girls and a farm that needed to be tended every single day. I learned that even if I wasn’t ready or afraid, I could still do all of the things I had to do.

What’s the Secret?

The secret is to find your why.

What am I talking about? We all have a why: the reason we get up in the morning, the reason we go to work, and the reason we show up for life when we don’t want to. When you find your why, you will also find the way.

Maybe you have to move. Maybe you have to sell things. Maybe you want to get back out there. They’re all just facts and neutral until you attach a why. When the why is strong enough, it becomes an anchor. Find yourself a strong why!

My why was my survival instinct for my family. If the orchard wasn’t taken care of it would die. If it died, how would I take care of my children? We would lose the farm. If we lost the farm, we lost the only home we’d ever known. Failure was not an option. When I broke it down to the brass tacks, my why became a pretty strong motivator.

Learning how to run a farm, learning how to run a business, learning how to be an efficient single parent all stemmed from my why: we needed to survive. Did I always WANT to? Of course not! There were lots of tears and bargaining that took place in the orchard. My vocabulary began to resemble that of a sailor. We ate a lot of cereal for meals. I was probably a horrible parent in some aspects because I was no longer a stay at home mom. My girls hated it, but they understood the why too. I worked. I worked hard.

And guess what? Despite the fact that I wasn’t ready, I did ALL OF THE THINGS that had to get done. I just had to remember my why.

You can do this too!